The first time I ever realized I was from the Midwest was I was sitting in a room, surrounded by New Yorkers, and I squealed when I saw two cows kissing one another. Cows are cute. I like flannel. Soda will ALWAYS be called pop to me. You can kick the boy out of the Midwest, but goddamn, is that buttermilk ranch flavored force within him strong as heck.
There’s a star man waiting in the museum—I went to meet him, and he simply blew my mind. 2016 was a horrible year for celebrity deaths—constantly, sometimes on the daily, I beg David Bowie to take me to be part of the new universe he’s obviously crafting, since he took with him a generation of … Continue reading David Bowie Is… @ Brooklyn Museum
They say that the moon brings the man to the woman, "La Bella Luna", if you will. But, what on god's green earth brings the man to the man? ...Pheromones, I guess? Still trying to figure that one out. Anyways, if you live in New York and you haven't reenacted Norman Jewison's Moonstruck in some … Continue reading Moonstruck, Kind Of.
https://youtu.be/qCbUnzPa0Fw This really isn't a post bashing Valentine's Day. I mean, of course the last time I went on a date was probably during the Jurassic period, but whatever. I'm fine. I don't debate abandoning life to raise alpacas in the Andes mountains on the daily, nor do I eat a pound of guacamole in … Continue reading Consolation Cake: You can have your sads and eat them too.
First of all, do you know how hard it is to eat 3 cakes in one day? You think for one New York Minute that you're the queen of all desserts, that you will always have room for 10 cakes in your stomach, but when face to face with frosting, you find that the buttercream … Continue reading The Cake Chronicles: Sugar-High at Ariana Huffington’s House Party
Well, I started out my morning eating a bowl of Kashi, so. I'm really taking life by the horns here. Nothing tells you that today is going to be a good day like a bowl full of fiber. Were my grandmother still here, god rest her soul, we would go on later to have a conversation about how regular my bowel movements are and just how wonderful it feels to be "normal" for once in this life.
Hey there! So, if you're reading this post, what you're doing right now is standing on the precipice of Darrin's new global empire, or you really REALLY have nothing better to do with your life, in which case, same. Be like Darrin, start a blog, eat an oreo that you dunked in Nutella, go to … Continue reading She’s crying, but she’s still eating.