A Midwinter Night’s Terror: Winter Skincare Hacks from a True Babyface

To cream or not to cream, that is the question
Whether ’tis nobler to suffer the slings of wind or use thy serum
Or take up masks in a sea of wrinkles

Class is in session, Roseville. Today’s topic? How to get that midsummer night’s glow in the throes of winter death. That’s right, skincare.

Does the wind got you down? Girl, me too. When wind tousled skin just isn’t your bag, exfoliate. Exfoliation is the reason Pharrell Williams looks the same as he did in 1998! And here I foolishly thought he was a real life vampire, which… may still ring true. Essentially, exfoliation is the act of taking a cheese grater to your face, taking of the drier, older outer cheese, revealing the fresh Gouda underneath.

Here’s three options at different price points and levels of beauty adventure.

The first is a classic exfoliating scrub by St. Ive’s, with coconut and coffee. I like this because not only do you get a good scrub without microbeads, your skin gets a boost of energy from the caffeine! Also, never use microbead products– I once saw a video where a woman got a microbead caught in one of her pores, and OH BOY did that set me on the straight and natural path. (Target, $3.59)

If you’re feeling even more foodie than a coffee wash, I’d recommend Korean super skincare brand Skinfood’s Strawberry Black Sugar Scrub. Not only does it smell positively scintillating, it’s made with ingredients you can actually pronounce, and leaves your skin smooth and refreshed, and oh so very berry scented. The wonderful thing about using this product in the dead of winter? Strawberries are a natural source of Vitamin C, revitalizing dreary flesh and dark spots. (16.99, Amazon) 

“The Boscia peel gel works in three ways: as a physical peel to remove the outer layer of dead skin, as a chemical peel to penetrate deep into skin for in-depth exfoliation, and as a treatment for skin to appear more firm and brightened for a healthy-looking complexion.” So, in lame man’s terms, it causes your dead skin cells to pill up on your face and fall off into the void (or your sink), leaving you looking younger, but feeling like a disgusting swamp monster as you look at your molted carapace. Don’t forget to rinse!  (Sephora, $28.00) 

Before you go insane with exfoliating, please remember that you’re only supposed to do it twice a week, so once you pick two days, stick to them! And they had better not be in tandem. I don’t want you coming back here with skin looking like a sea angel, which for the record, IS SEE-THROUGH.

STEP TWO, ATTENTION! Now, we’re not going to dive into the world that is toners and serums, because that is something that is totally meant to target your individualized inquiries, like anti-aging or dark spots, or taking down the death star. Also, I’m trying out a few serums to write about, so just hold onto your knickers, Eunice, because we’ll get there.

Step two is moisturizer.

In winter, we’re so weighted down by literally everything, from our crushing SADS to our heavy coats, so I wanted to pick 3 moisturizers that move with you, and retain moisture.

First up? Dreamy Youth by Pacifica. If you’re a budget beauty queen, this lightweight moisturizer is cruelty free, and uses plant peptides to paint you a younger looking visage. I use this when I travel, which it was especially helpful in Midwest, where winter not only came, but sashayed down to earth with tempestuous force. (Target, $9.80)

Secondly, Super Aqua Ultra Water-Full Clear Cream by Missha. So the great thing with this that I’ve found? It keeps your skin CRAZY moist through the whole day, even in the whipping winds of NYC or the scorching desert that is my love life. It does a solid job fighting oil production in my face too, since I, like many men, have combination skin. (Soko Glam, $26.00)

For those who have a flair for the luxurious or spend too much time listening to Bad and Boujee, AmorePacific has their “Essential Creme Fluid”. A little stretches a long way, and it ranks A+ in absorption. It’s lightweight and combats dark spots, firmness, and dryness, but that’s what happens when you put liquid gold on your skin. If you can budget it, I think this product is exceptional. ($98.00, Sephora)

Did you know that even in the dead of winter, YOU SHOULD BE WEARING SUNSCREEN? SPF is a year round treatment, honeybee. Get something lightweight for your face, like Neutrogena, that just sprays on over all of your hard work battling your skin demons. Fighting UV-Ray damage is a year round job!

When taking beauty into consideration, be you male, female, or a custom gender, it’s always important to take things in this order: wash, toner, essence/serum, moisturizer. If you have really dry skin, I’d recommend sealing in the moisture with an oil on top of it all. If you’re really feeling saucy and want to go the extra mile, I would recommend doing a double cleanse. Right now, I’m using the Moringa Cleansing Balm by eNature and Micellar Cleansing Water by Garnier. The balm works to alleviate extra oils from the pores and shrink those babies so they can no longer be seen from space. The cleansing water is an old French Girl trick and uses ‘micelles’, whatever those are, to lift dirt and freshen thine face.

Take it from Kabutops. Absorption is everything.

Remember. Exfoliate and hydrate. Divide and conquer.


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