Han Soko: A Skincare Story

The following is a presentation written in the style of bad Star Wars fanfiction. *dundundun duuuun dundundun duuun dun*

Full disclosure, if you don’t want to read the fanfiction based on reality, just skip to the bottom, to the bold text.

A long, long time ago (probably a week, let’s not be too dramatic here)
In the fashion capital of the world, the skincare warrior clan Soko Glam raised their fists in protest. For too long had the populace been tyrannized by winter’s solemn grip.

It was a time for revolution, rebellion, and a time for skincare.

Charlotte Cho, Jedi Master of anti-aging and founder of the Soko Rebellion, sent out a beacon to all those souls on their last hope, beckoning them to her base to be saved. Legions of denizens of the frozen city-nation heeded her call, moving in droves to her side, as the winds protested their cries for help, accompanied by torrential rains, cascading down from the grey skies like the planet Jabiim, on the outer rim of the star system.

A padawan, Darrin-San Kenobi, scantily clad in his tribe’s traditional garb of mesh and stretch denim, knew Charlotte’s domain held the secret he had so been longing to bring back to his people, the Ellgeebeeteecueeyeh (pronounced LGBTQIA). Soaked from head to lightsaber in astral fluid from the skies, he awaited the arrival of his comrade, a young cadet from a planet of sun, blessed by the rays of vitamin d, her skin radiating a glow, paralleled only by the fiery star itself.

The force manifested itself within the padawans awaiting Master Cho’s teachings in different ways, some with the power to cut trees with sharp winged eyeliner, others with skin-softer-than Porg feathers. Kenobi knew not his place amongst such accomplished K-Beauty students, and stood waiting for the young sun-kissed Cadet, allowing every padawan, princess, and plebeian to pass through Soko Glam’s hallowed halls into true skin enlightenment.

Upon Paulina Sunray’s arrival, the two wandering souls were greeted by a menagerie of serums, moisturizers, toners, and best of all, food provisions, provided by General Mokbar. Free elixirs were available in the form of shochu.


If one posted a hologram of themselves to the star system, gifts were bestowed upon those deemed worthy of Master Cho’s blessing, which, our hero, Darrin San-Kenobi, was regaled a winner. The people resounded in dance to intergalactic superstars, BIGBANG, as he collected his prize, only to be met with his one true enemy, birch. He gasped, pushing the bag away to the disciple of Master Cho, asking if she could impart any other compatible power onto him, surely, as the birch extract would bring him to the dark side, and later, the great beyond, where he would become one with the lifestream and force again.

She obliged, bestowing a gift of Moringa cleansing balm, and Darrin met with fate… and Master Cho herself, where he had Paulina Sunray take an out-of-focus holograph of them for the future purpose of blogging.


After all the time spent in the downpour and droves of moisture-starved people, Darrin found the power to save his skin, Triple C Lightning Serum, a concentrated holy grail, meant to plump and brighten, reminding him of younger days.  There was also a charcoal soap, to cleanse your face from the dark side of blackheads he took note of.

And so… our tale ends, where it began. In the rain, leaving the base with the steps to become a true skincare Jedi.

Long story short: I attended a NYFW event where I met Charlotte Cho and didn’t know what to say, because I think the work she’s done to bring K-Beauty stateside is incredibly important. If you’ve never checked out Soko Glam as a retailer or read the K-Log, it’s filled with marbles of skincare wisdom, and it’s where I pull much of my anti-aging knowledge from. I mean, honestly, have you seen Korean idols? They’ve simply got to take Peter Pan pills or something, because they look borderline fetal levels of youthful.

I also never win anything in my life, so I was completed flabbergasted that Soko chose my image from instagram and gave me a free product to use and later blog about.. but yes, as you might have deduced, it was made from birch, which is one of the strangest things to be allergic to. If it were a sleeping mask made from cat hair and birch trees, I assure you, I would actually die. Hello from the netherworld, it me, Darrin.

The party was fantastic and I’m so grateful I got to attend, so that I could write terrible literature about it. Thank you, Soko Glam. 


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